void of course

the earth will swing us, as she goes

Archive for October, 2010

things i did with my life today: (& enjoyed)

Posted by sailorstakewarning on October 31, 2010

– woke up late
– made an extra-strong pot of coffee & drank all of it
– cleaned my whole apartment
– broke my vacuum cleaning my apt, then fixed it
– made pumpkin bread
– re-read one of my favorite books
– handed out candy to trick-or-treaters (cute!)
– bought a couple books i really wanted…well, books i really REALLY wanted. (the list of the ones i want is atrociously long)

now i’m snuggled up watching the river king (because i love it). i’ve got a cup of tea, a slice of pumpkin bread & a clean bed made with flannel sheets. there are few better things in the world. my apartment is quiet; all i can hear is the movie playing & my candles flickering. i am lonely but only the kind where you’re so cozied up that you wish someone else could be that comfy too. spread the love, so to speak. happy samhain all around. i hope whatever ghosts are walking near me, that is with good intent & purpose.

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Posted by sailorstakewarning on October 28, 2010

guster was the best. show. everrr.

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i only meant to scratch;

Posted by sailorstakewarning on October 26, 2010

“they say that women change: ’tis so: but you are ever-constant in your changefulness, like that still thread of falling river, one from source to last embrace in the still pool ever-renewed and ever-moving on from first to last a myriad water-drops”

i never know what i’m going to do or want to do until i do it. i do however, know what i won’t do. i cannot let you burn me up. so instead i’m watching possession & pretending not to think. read poetry & don’t speak. watch out the window & listen to the wind.

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Posted by sailorstakewarning on October 24, 2010

SQUEEEE they’ve added new jewelry to diana gabaldon’s section…i’ve got the ring, now i need the earrings & necklace. & the bracelet lol. briana’s bracelet will probably have to be last on my list, i think i will have to get the earrings next. & this time i’ll get the with the antiquing, i didn’t get my ring with it & it’s hard to pick out the thistle pattern…i wonder if i could get it added at a jewelry store? BUT that would likely involve taking it off, which i won’t do

http://www.theauthorsattic.com

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a single moment in the air

Posted by sailorstakewarning on October 21, 2010

“it’s true, isn’t it, that each of us has two hearts? The secret heart, curled behind like a fist, living gnarled and shrunken beneath the plain, open one we use every day…it’s not the content of our dreams that gives our second heart its dark color; it’s the thoughts that go through our heads in those wakeful moments when sleep won’t come. And those are the things we never tell anyone at all.”

there are reasons. one or two people know & it hasn’t made a difference to them, who i am now versus who i was before. regardless, i live the best way i know how because i believe in sucking it up & moving on; i’ve seen what it can do to you when you don’t. everyone has a thing.

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once upon forever ago,

Posted by sailorstakewarning on October 19, 2010

i am seriously so glad i listen to my instincts every time. because everything that is anything to me is telling me i was right.

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Posted by sailorstakewarning on October 18, 2010

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if not,

Posted by sailorstakewarning on October 17, 2010

it is so good to be home again. i’ve cooked, cleaned my apartment, went to bradley’s 1st birthday party & cooked some more. it’s cold & i love it. i’m wearing 3 layers of clothes & am happy with it. i’ve avoided making decisions i don’t want to make & am ok with it. now i’m reading sappho & listening to the river king snuggled up on the couch with every candle going & a cup of tea. my dog is tucked in under a fleece blanket. everything could be very different right now, if i had opened my mouth earlier in the evening but i kept it shut. what is that, anyways? mainly because i just spent a week away & want to be home, i guess. i simply refuse to bend myself for anyone again, it gets you nowhere & always ends the same way. so cuddling up on my couch with candles & tea & my books? not winter.

 

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try to kill it all the way,

Posted by sailorstakewarning on October 14, 2010

spent the night last night shooting the shit & drinking with my cousin in his garage…needless to say this morning is a little rough. (he’s awesome, i wish he didn’t live so far away) everyone was moving slowly, even the ones who just went to bed & didn’t drink at all. so this morning i get up & just want to eat a little something & maybe read & have some coffee, but my sister’s bf can’t bear silence. & so he talks. at you & to you & to anyone or anything who might be listening. i can’t stand it. i need either silence or my music & to be alone. just leave me alone! i’ve been sitting in the corner of the kitchen most of the morning watching a movie with my headphones & working on a scarf for christmas. he’s tried to talk to me a couple times & i’ve just kept doing what i’m doing. i don’t need to talk & i don’t need company. maybe it’s awful of me, but i don’t feel well (my own fault of course) & i was just itching to take the car & take off. i don’t even know where i’d have gone – maybe to assateague or back over to salisbury. anywhere where i can walk by myself & no one will talk to me. i think the next time i come to visit or go on a vacation i will bring my own car. just the possibility of escape makes it a little easier to bear the tv on constantly in the background & the need to make small talk & to do anything other than sit & look out off the porch.

oddly enough, the baby & i got along really well while manda & chad were at the wedding. maybe because she made no demands other than the mere basics. food, sleep, an occasional snuggle. she didn’t cry once.

 

 

it’s raining today. the storm is moving up the coast so it will rain tomorrow at home too. & it’s finally cool here – cool enough to need a sweater or coat which is so much better than sweating our asses off because it’s 30 degrees at home & 80 here. so i’m listening to johnny cash & knitting & praying that my headache goes away; if not well then…i might just have to steal the car. i don’t want this vacation to end & as much as i’m homesick, there’s too much to go home to. maybe i just won’t go – just leave me here & i will work my way up the coast by myself.

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love. fall. more.

Posted by sailorstakewarning on October 10, 2010

OM NOM NOMMMM!

 

& the squashes too. don’t forget the squashes.

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