void of course

the earth will swing us, as she goes

Posted by sailorstakewarning on June 15, 2010

life is never more bittersweet as when you realize that some of your friends are in fact, not friends. whether they are acquaintances, needed something from you or merely consider you a fringe friend, it’s a stomach-sinking revelation that you are not as important to one who may have previously been important to you. the question is, do we move onward, just accepting these people in our lives & moving them to that space specifically reserved for the people you run into, at the store? or do you try your best to reign them in, still maintain a one-sided closeness, for the sake that you had perhaps shared some confidences in the past & therefore feel an obligation towards them? (i am just as guilty as the next, of shutting people out of my life in a fit of solitary angst. after all, when one feels alone, how better to do so than to truly be alone?)

additionally, there is a much better flooding of warmth & good feelings when you realize that there are people out there who consider you a true friend. who count you in when out on the town, who call you when you’re sick or upset, who you know you can call in the middle of the night if need be. for every 5 friends i’ve lost to the fringes over the years, i’ve gained one truly good friend. & i’m grateful for that. as a child it was so difficult to understand that there are others who don’t share your likes & dislikes, your interests & giggles. today, i can look at it, feel badly about it, but move on. because those people are missing out on me. & while i am missing out on them, who’s to say that we needed each other to make our lives more complete, when there are people in my life that make it that way already? in fact, who’s to say they might not have added discordant misery to my life?

nota bene: these musings don’t come as the result of my losing a friend. merely realizing that there are people out there who hold others at bay just as much as i do. & it’s not so bad. after all, as i said before, the ones in my life already are the important ones. the ones who know me & want to continue knowing me. & the same goes for me, for them. i have no desire to be someone’s afterthought; no one should be. my little life here, with my dog, my snakes & my books, my writing & my work – this is what makes me happy & my friends are the ones who i share it with.

so don’t go giving yourself credit,

where credit is not due;

if i don’t share with you

it means

i hold you

on the fringes.

if you want in, climb up.

& mind the breeze.

knock – i’ll let you in.

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